so little time

It's a little more than mid-way through my work day I needed to take a 'smoke break'. No, I don't smoke but I just have to clear my head for a few minutes. Normally, I'm a list person, all my to-do's and tasks are lined out and I go through them one by one. Right now I'm lost because I can't put what going on into a list.

I just got a call from my mom. She is in an ambulance with my Papaw on the way to the hospital. He hasn't been doing all that well lately. About a month ago my step grandmother went into the hospital for congestive heart failure. She was in for about 3 weeks and during that time she also went into a diabetic coma. For the last 2 weeks she has been in a nursing home and will not be able to come back home to my Papaw. Since all of this has been going on Papaw hasn't been eating. If he does, it isn't much. You literally have to force him to eat or hand feed him because otherwise he will shove his food into the nearest trash can. We have to have someone there all the time (especially at each meal time) because his dementia is progressively getting worse and he can't remember if he's eaten or taken his medicine.

There is so much other stuff tangled up in my head that I'm having trouble sleeping again. All these thoughts just start racing through my mind and I can't turn them off.

I haven't talked to Russ since last Wednesday. He's in a crabby mood due to his job and in our last conversation he told me that there's nothing we can talk about right now that won't make him mad. This after 2 days of me calling and leaving him messages and not getting a return phone call. I can't and won't play these games with him. I'm sorry that things are hard for him right now but I can't help if he won't let me be a part of his life. My solution was for him to call me when he's ready to talk. I get so frustrated talking to his voicemail! And he wonders why he's not the first person I call when my car breaks down or won't start- which, by the way, has happened three times in the last month- it's because he never answers his phone!

Argh!!

Anyways, time's up, have to get back to work.